Why is personal change so hard?

Exploring Portia Nelson’s poem, “Autobiography in Five Chapters”

We don’t struggle to change because we’re weak—we struggle because we’re human. If you’ve ever ended up in the same situation and wondered why, even when you “know better,” you’re not alone. We repeat patterns not because we’re failing, but because we’re learning.

Portia Nelson’s Autobiography in Five Chapters is a powerful reminder that true change is a process, not an event. This poem maps out the universal journey of transformation. It shows how people often repeat mistakes before they truly learn, then gradually shift their behavior, and eventually make a meaningful change.

A central part of transformation is accepting personal responsibility. We have to recognize that change depends on our own choices and behaviors—not on waiting for something external to shift for us. The “hole” becomes a metaphor for a habit or recurring issue.

Even when we know something is harmful or no longer giving us the results we want, our habits can still pull us back. Awareness becomes the turning point. The final chapter isn’t just about avoiding old mistakes—it’s about becoming fully present to yourself and choosing a new behavior, followed by consistent action, so you can finally walk a new path.

“Autobiography in Five Chapters” by Portia Nelson’s

CHAPTER 1
I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost…. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find my way out. 

CHAPTER 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

CHAPTER 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…. it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It’s my fault.
I get out immediately. 

CHAPTER 4
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it. 

CHAPTER 5
I walk down another street.

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Here’s to noticing the holes, honoring the lessons, and giving yourself permission to choose a new street—one mindful step at a time.

With calm and courage,
Jenny